My Ill Fated Destiny
by hitntr01
Summary: Edward's thoughts before he was changed up to the day he first laid eyes on Bella. Oneshot for now


_Title: My Ill Fated Destiny_

I fell ill of the flu that was going around. It came about quickly and suddenly. I tried to hide it because I was the man of the house. That was what my dad said when he died. I remember it quite clearly, I was very young and he told me that I was the man of the house and I took it seriously. I took over the house.

My mom had to force me to go to school when I wanted to stay home to help her around the farm. We were low on money but we were scraping by. My mom got a job with a friend down the street.

I was feeling sick for two days and I was slowing down. I was aching all over but I kept saying it was just a cold. By the third day, my mom forced me to stay home from school. I still tried to finish the chores when she wasn't looking. When she left for the day to go to work, she made me promise that I would sit on the couch and relax.

I quickly broke my promise when I realized the horse's paddock and stalls hadn't been cleaned in the three days that I was sick. I went out to start as I picked up the pitch fork. I then started to feel so dizzy that I could barely stand on my own. I relied on the pitch fork as I made my way out to the horse's paddock. My mom had taken her horse with her to her job while my horse and father's horse was still here. My horse started to prance crazily; he tried to get me to go back to the house. He knew how sick I was as he put his body next to mine and I leaned against him. "Easy, I just need to clean your paddock." I told him as I started to walk. The horse was amazing as it stayed next to me and helped me to walk. He tried to push me back toward the fence but I had to prove my mom wrong and finish the chores.

I was fine. I made my way out to the first of the feces as I put the fork down and picked up the first pile. The pile felt like it weighed a ton as I had to struggle to lift it up. Next thing I knew I was down on the ground, I had blanked out as the horse whinnied next to me.

I woke up to my mom next to me. I had a wet rag on my forehead. I was no longer home but at the hospital. I hated the hospital. My mom jumped at the first movement I made. "Dr. Cullen." She yelled, "He woke up." She then looked at me, cupping her hands around my cheeks; they felt so cold compared to my extremely high fever. She whispered, "Hun, how are you feeling?"

"I am fine." I said, that's what I said whenever I was sick.

The doctor came in, I had never seen him before- he must have come in from out of town. The flu was passing like wildfire around my town. "I honestly didn't expect him to wake up." He said as he pressed his hands on my forehead. I tried to back away- if I thought my mom's hands were cold, his was frozen. "He is still boiling."

"I could have told you that one." I whispered as he pulled his hand away. His face looked flawless; his eyes were an odd color, a dark color. He flipped through his paperwork.

"Alright, well I gave you medicine three hours ago so I can give you another one." He said as he went to the cabinet, passing other beds with extremely ill people and grabbed a bottle. He took two pills out of the bottle and came back, "Take these."

"How do you think my son will do now?" My mom was always worried about me.

"He should get better." The doctor said as he wrote some notes on the board.

I could tell he was lying, one of my biggest things about me was that I was what my mom called a 'human lie detector' I could tell from facial expressions if the person's voice matched what they were thinking. The doctor looked upset as he looked at the person next to me and then walked over to the man as he put his hand to the man's wrist. He kept his hand on the man's wrist for only a few seconds and then pronounced the man dead. He put the blanket over the man and yelled for help. Several people came in with masks on and wheeled the bed out.

"Why aren't you wearing a mask?" I asked the doctor when the others walked out.

"Very observant for someone who is so sick." He said turning around. "Pretty surprised that you are so thoughtful. Actually, why don't you wear a mask Ms. Mason? I would hate for you to catch this." The man looked up at my mother.

"That would be a good idea." She said as the doctor grabbed a mask out of his back pocket and handed it to her.

"Make sure he drinks plenty of water. I will be gone tomorrow but I will hopefully be back the following day." He said. "Also, Ms. Mason, please go home and relax. No need for you to get sick when you are fine." He said as he smiled at her, "Doctor's orders."

"I would rather be here for my son." she whispered.

I tried to convince my mom to go home for the night but it was to no use. The next day came as it rained outside; my mom was humming a hymn to me. I was trying to relax but it was hard when my mom was in a room with so many sick people.

Several people throughout the day had died as the room was getting cleared out slowly and new people were getting wheeled in. The doctor on staff had brought a bed for my mom for the nights she stayed here. Unfortunately, she wasn't eating and when they brought food in she ate very little. I tried to force myself to eat so that she would but I couldn't do it. It was hard to hold anything down.

The next day came as the night doctor had to stay later than was his shift; it turned out that Dr. Cullen couldn't make it in that morning. My mom was worried that he too had caught something. I was just happy as I saw the sun come through the small window in the room. It was the first sign of anything good to come into my life within the past few days.

I noticed everyone who was sick didn't have a visitor like I did. My mom refused to leave no matter what. Where were these people's families? Did they leave them here to die?

The night came slowly as my mom was reading her Bible next to me. I had my eyes closed listening to her voice. Her voice stopped, "Hello doctor." She said.

I opened my eyes to see Dr. Cullen. I noticed his eyes were a more golden color. I was about to speak when he went straight for my mother. "Ms. Mason, you need to take care of yourself. You aren't looking that good." He told her as he went up to her.

"No I am fine, I am taking care of my son." she said to him, she slept for very little, my mom was the one I got my stubbornness from.

"Please, I need to ask you to lay down." He said.

She complied as she lay in the bed the nurse brought in from the night before.

"Now please relax. Your son will be fine with the nurse taking care of him. You need to relax." He said with worry in his voice. He then came up to me, "I am glad you are still alive." He said as he put his hand to my forehead.

"Your eyes?" I whispered but couldn't say anything else.

He looked at me worried and then flipped through the papers. "Just relax." He said handing me a glass of water.

I sipped it while he still held it for me.

"My mom is…"

"She is fine, she is just relaxing." He said to me.

"You are lying." I said.

"I am telling you…just relax and think about getting better." He said to me.

The doctor made his rounds to the other people around me. I noticed throughout the night that he came back to me and my mother repeatedly. He came more to us than anyone else. My mom repeatedly got up to make sure I had plenty of water. I noticed her getting weak just like I did. Except it was coming faster and faster for her.

The next night came and Dr. Cullen was back. More and more where dying and it was still crowded. Dr. Cullen sat next to my mother; I could hear her mumbling to him but couldn't hear exactly what she was saying. Next thing I knew he stood up somberly and I watched as he put the blanket over her. He grabbed the clipboard and wrote 'deceased' and put today's date. I couldn't believe it, I watched my father die when I was younger and now I have seen my mother die. He started to wheel her out- he seemed deep in thought, he didn't even look back at me or tell me what happened, he just wheeled her out.

I tried to speak but nothing came out. My heart started to race, that was it. My family was gone, at least I would see them again once in heaven. I would follow soon, I could feel it coming for a while now.

Dr. Cullen came back as he looked around him and then he seemed to grab my wrist. He grabbed the clip board and wrote onto it. He placed it down next to the headboard; I looked at it and read the words 'deceased.' It had today's date. I was about to speak when he put the blanket over me, I was too weak to move as the bed moved. Did he really think I was dead? I was sure he saw me watch him take my mother out and I moved my head when he grabbed the clipboard.

I felt my body get moved up and brought out of the place. The doctor's arms were so cold, was I that sick? I must have had a really bad fever because everything blurred together. I didn't know why I was outside. The doctor opened the door to a house and next thing I knew I felt something sharp pierce my skin and then the burning started to take over.

I felt the burning throughout my whole body for I don't know how long. It was finally subsiding as I started to just feel that burn in the back of my throat. It was weird though; I felt no heart beat inside of me. I felt somewhat dead. Was I truly finally in heaven? I opened my eyes to see Dr. Cullen staring at me. He wasn't sick so why would he be here?

I grabbed my head although there was no pain; I realized that I was smoother in my movements. My whole being seemed different. "Where am I?" I asked.

"You are at my house." Dr. Cullen said.

I stared at him, "I was dead, I know when my mom died I was going to follow."

He shook his head. "Let me explain."

"What did you do to me? Was there a cure? Is my mom safe?" I asked hopeful, then I realized my throat burning. "What is this? I think I have strep throat, I need water." I whispered.

Dr. Cullen nodded, "Yes, you should feel that."

"Where is my mom?"

"She is dead."

"Then why am I alive?"

"I saved you. Now listen to me."

I stared at him although it was hard to focus. Everything seemed so different.

"You aren't you anymore. You are now a vampire."

"A what?" I screeched. I heard tales of those sinful things rummaging the Earth. They ate blood, one of the worst sins imaginable. I closed my eyes trying to gain consciousness. It was obvious, this was a dream. Something my mind made up to take me off the thought of me about to die. I then heard him explain really quickly what a vampire was. Images of everything he was saying went through my mind, how awfully lifelike they were- as if I were there. He explained the way he hunted; he hunted animals- not people.

Then he whispered. "Do you want to know what a vampire is?"

"You just said it." I whined trying to wrap my mind over everything.

"No, I didn't." he whispered.

I looked up at him. Then I realized I could hear him and he wasn't moving his lip. I jumped up, not realizing the speed or strength I had. I rammed into the ceiling, crashing the pieces all over the place before being restrained. Carlisle had me pinned to the ground.

"Listen to me." Carlisle yelled.

"No this is all a trick. You are the devil. You want me to follow but I won't." I yelled trying to get the man off of me. I won as I threw him off. I stared at my power- what was going on?

"Listen to me." Carlisle yelled again, "I am Carlisle. I am a vampire. You are a vampire."

I shook my head laughing, "No I am not. I would never choose to be such a thing. That would make me a monster. I would surely go to Hell for that."

He sighed as he picked up a mirror.

I looked in on it not recognizing myself at first. I stared at it for I don't know how long. I put my hand up to my face, my once green eyes were completely red and my skin was so pale. Then I looked up at him before thrashing my arm out and slamming the mirror into the wall making it smash. "How could you?" I yelled, "Don't you ever think of anyone else?"

"Listen to me." He finally said. "It's hard when you are new. Let me tell you my life style. I am a vampire that is right but I only eat animals. This way I am not taking human life. I was the same as you. I was religious and I don't believe in this way either. But I figure I must be doing some good by eating only animals. I should get some credit."

"You consider yourself religious and you claim that? That is what a monster would say." I yelled as I punched a wall that was next to me.

He pretend like I never punched that wall just then, "I consider that and call myself a vegetarian."

"Vegetarian and you eat animals." I scoffed.

"Animals were put here for our utilizations." He quoted from the Bible.

I growled something that I had never done before. "For a human's utilization, no where in the Bible does it mention its okay to have animal blood. It says no blood- obviously you never read the Bible."

"There must be exceptions." He said.

"Exceptions don't count in the eyes of the Lord."

'_Of course I had to pick the one who was overly religious'_

"Damn right, I am overly religious." I had never cursed before- that was wrong too. What was going on? My mind was in several places at once, I had no clue how to act.

"You heard that?"

"Yeah." I scoffed.

"What am I thinking of right now?"

I sighed as I stared at him, "Hunting?" I whispered realizing that something wasn't right. "You are the devil. Get this demon out! In the name of Jesus." I yelled but nothing changed, I still heard the voices. I cringed back, "What's going on? I don't understand." I cried out as I balled onto the ground. I wanted to cry, I wanted to let go of everything and cry but I couldn't.

"Come on, I can show you how to hunt." Carlisle came up to me and pat my back.

I shook my head, "No thanks, I will stay here until I die. I would rather die then drink blood."

Carlisle sighed, "You can't do that. The longer you go, the more of a chance you could kill someone."

I wiped a nonexistent tear from my face, "Just go." I whispered as I balled up into the fetal position. My mom was gone to heaven, some place I may never see thanks to Dr. Cullen. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep only to find I couldn't. I heard the heart beat of animals not to far off- something I would have to get used to. There had to be other things to eat. Something he didn't think of.

A day past and it seemed like eternity. The burning in my throat increased as the beating of the animals called out to me. I ignored it the best I could as I stared up into the hole I made just the day before. I secretly hoped that the animals weren't stupid enough to come any closer to the house. It took me all my will power not to go out right now. I had to keep strong though. I was wondering what a human would seem like if animals were this strong to me. Then I shook my head, that was wrong to think.

Another day past, something I now realized is unheard of for newborns. Two days and nothing to…drink. I had to spit out the thought of what I was told I had to do. Here I was, I trusted this man and he threw it all out at me. He could have at least asked. For the past two days- he was calling out of work to stay home and convince me to come out of the room.

I heard his mind try to think of ways to get me out of my room that I locked myself in, not knowing that if he wanted to; he could have ripped the door off of its hinges. I was stronger than him though, much stronger than him. Whenever he came in, I just threw him out. It turned out I was faster too. That was probably because for my human years from seven years old to now, I always jogged every morning. I remembered me jogging around the house and the horses would run beside me in their paddocks. I stopped right there, even the mention of horses brought back a hunger as if I just mentioned a steak dinner to a starving homeless person.

I heard Carlisle as he preferred to be called instead of Dr. Cullen sitting outside of my door. "It's odd being a vampire." He said. "I know you can hear me even as I whisper this. Life just doesn't seem right. But I believe that if we stay in the way of the Bible then perhaps we will get credit. I have a lot of friends who take whatever chance they can get to get a human meal. At least I don't do that. I would like to have some known answer to hear that you are still alive." He chuckled at his joke; he knew I was in this room.

"I am dead." I whispered. I hadn't talked in the two days other than to yell at him to get out. This was the first time I talked at a normal tone. I had also stopped breathing for the most part in fear of the smells getting to me.

He wasn't expecting me to talk, he stiffened then relaxed. If he had a heartbeat it would have skipped a beat there. "Let me know what you are thinking." He whispered.

"I am thinking that I don't have a soul. That this is all fake." I whispered.

Carlisle chuckled.

"Can I ask why you did this to me?" I asked.

"Yes, you can. I did this as a selfish thing. I really wanted someone to talk to. It gets lonely being alone and always having to lie to everyone. I don't have anyone who gets me. I was thinking of a way to convince someone to join me without feeling guilty for…well killing them. Then you and your mother came in. She died before I could help her and unfortunately you didn't have a chance either. She asked me to do whatever I could to save you so I decided to take you in. At least you can have a second chance."

"I didn't ask for a second chance."

"Yes, I know it." Carlisle started pacing outside the door.

"How long have you been alone?"

"A long time. Back in the 1800's I was turned on accident."

I couldn't believe it, 1800's…

"I would love to be able to talk to you better but I would feel better knowing that you hunted first."

I got up and walked to the door as I unlocked it and opened it. Although, I didn't realize my strength and ripped the door off. I stared at the door in my hand.

Carlisle laughed, "I can fix that later."

"Sorry." I whispered.

"Don't worry; you don't know your own strength yet. It will get easier."

I didn't know anything then. My new mother, Esme joined us quickly after. Then my sister, Rosalie. We were a happy family of four who enjoyed the simple pleasures in life. It was nice to not be the third wheel all the time.

And then Emmett joined us thanks to Rosalie. The two quickly became more than friends as they were wed two years after he was changed. I was back to the third wheel again. They were all worried about me but I kept my own worry hidden, I wished to find a girl but knew that God would provide when necessary, somehow he would give me a hint. Although, I wasn't expecting him to ever send a girl for me. This was probably his punishment for everything.

Next thing I knew Jasper and Alice joined us. I was weary of Jasper but Alice and I seemed to be very good friends almost instantly. She loved fashion and while I never cared for fashion- it did interest me more than sports (Emmett), cars (Rosalie), Home decorating (Esme), or Hospitals (Carlisle). We were easy friend because we could have silent conversations between us two- we could keep secrets between us two that no one else knew about. She would take me shopping and sometimes while at the mall, the people around us would think we were boyfriend and girlfriend and other times they would think I was her gay best friend. Neither of them were my favorite things to hear. I end up turning away from her shopping trips- making her take Jasper or Rosalie with her instead.

I kept relying on the little I knew to believe that God would provide, he would give me a sign to let me know when I found the right girl. Finally after waiting almost one hundred years, I got my sign, it came in the form of a small teenage girl who just moved to Forks two years after I had been there. Her mind seemed blank but her eyes seemed to hold so much thought. I was intrigued at this. The first person I couldn't tell what she was thinking, she sat at the lunch table as she tried to sneak glances at us. Emmett was being his normal self and provoking Jasper without the humans realizing why and what danger they could possibly be in.

Alice must have had a vision because I heard her say in her thoughts to '_go talk to the girl_.'

"I can't" I whispered, "She isn't like us." I turned away to look back at my tray that was untouched. I grabbed my fork as I smashed the mashed potatoes then I looked back up at the girl.

Emmett stopped what he was doing long enough to notice me looking at the new girl. "Oh, someone finally has an eye out for a girl." He said jabbing at my side. "About time, it took you long enough!"

"It isn't like that." I whispered. She tried not to look at us as I stared intently at her, why couldn't I hear her thoughts? I was sure I was scaring her…good; she won't want to talk to me if she thinks I am a creep.

Rosalie looked up, looking smug as ever, "The new girl? I think they said her name was Isabella." She said. "That named doesn't suit her."

"She likes to be called Bella." Alice said happily. "Word travels fast in a small place."

Bella? That was a beautiful name that rolled off the tongue, her name alone made my mouth water with venom. "No one is to talk to her, ever." I said as the bell rang. Not that we could say much other than hi anyways, we weren't allowed to interact with humans. So far we hadn't had any classes with her and hopefully it would end that way. "See you guys at the car after the last class." I said as I stood.

"Have fun in biology." Emmett said laughing, "While I have fun in health class."

Emmett was so immature when it came to biology and health class. "See you guys." I said as I walked away.

Little did I know that she was the sign that was brought down for me, she was the girl I was holding out for, and she was the start to my journey. We would have our ups and downs but in the end, she was made for me…and I for her.

_**I know it is random but I wanted to try and give my take on what Edward was thinking when he was changed. From what I got from the book on what he feels like being a vampire- he was most likely a very religious guy…and still is to a point. Hope you guys liked it!**_

_**Please review!!!**_


End file.
